More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
