It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
