she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
