weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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