Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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