please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
