He kissed a someone with a penis
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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