your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
