I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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