I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
