new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
People in love make me want to vomit
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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