My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
