he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
