my mouth tastes like poor choices
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
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