im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
We got so high we made milksteak
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
She's the barista slut.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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