Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
