and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Just pee around me
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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