dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
