One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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