First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
