Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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