I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
