i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Boobs are out for the taking
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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