just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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