I wish I only lived at night.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
