alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
