He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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