Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
