A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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