he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
her facebook's as public as her vagina
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
