I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
