Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
