It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
