I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
