I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
