I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
