God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
