# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
