you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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