Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
