I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
