There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
