Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just want to make out with him forever
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
