ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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