Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
