just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
