last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
