Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
