I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
