He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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