never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I party with great urgency now.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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