i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
