mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
