Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
