I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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