His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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